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11 Misconceptions About Crossdressers
Every
Fall, several hundred traditional husbands, fathers and businessmen come
together in
Provincetown for Fantasia Fair with parties, seminars and workshops
exploring the thorny issue of how to buy
the right wig and hide a 5 o'clock shadow with the foundation and
blush-on.
Heterosexual married men from suburbia with families who crossdress?
What's going on?
Apparently a much more common practice than
most people would imagine.
It's estimated that at least 2% of the male population cross-dresses.
And even as we approach
the 21st Century, the idea of a heterosexual man in heels is still more
than a little threatening.
And confusing even for the crossdressers themselves.
As JoAnn Roberts, founder
of Renaissance, a Delaware Valley cross dressing support group of over
400 said,
"I knew growing up that I wasn't gay and I was heterosexual. I thought I
might be crazy, but I knew I wasn't gay."
Crossdressing is a subject
that's been universally misunderstood.
While producing the first documentary on heterosexual crossdressing
called All Dressed Up And No Place To Go,
I found a host of misconceptions rampant in most people's thinking.
The following are the Top
Eleven Misconceptions about those who Cross-Dress:
1) Crossdressers Are Gay
More than likely not. As
Dr. William Stayton, Head of the University of Pennsylvania's Department
of Human Sexuality
and himself a therapist for crossdressers, reported "People associate
cross dressing with effeminacy and being gay
and the fact is most of them are not gay. They are very definitely
heterosexual."
In fact one of the most difficult areas for crossdressers was how to
deal with the women with whom they wanted to be involved.
2) Crossdressers Don't
Like Women
The truth is that rather
than shying away from women, most crossdressers are as married or
looking for a relationship
as any cross section of men in America.
"There is even some advantage to being a heterosexual crossdresser,"
says Dr. Stayton.
"When dressed they often become more sensitive and understanding to the
women in their lives.
Their wives tend to find them delightful and often it can become a real
enhancement to marital relations."
However that "enhancement" can only come if the woman feels comfortable
with her husband's occasional dressing. Many don't.
As Florida lawyer Jeff/Jean reports, "What would happen was that as soon
as women found out about "Jean" the relationship would end,
so why did I have to keep banging myself in the head. I was married to a
woman that didn't approve and it was painful.
Now I tell the women and let them even see "Jean."
If we're going to be involved then they'll have to accept all of me just
like I have to accept all of them."
3) Women Who Love
Crossdressers Must Be Lesbians
What's it like to love a
man who's wearing a dress? Pam, the wife of a Bank VP cross-dresser
recounts, "I did feel funny at first.
I love my husband as a man but when I saw him in a dress as 'Barbara' I
thought how can I love him?
The answer was I didn't have to love him the same way. With 'Barbara'
we're friends like I would be with any girlfriend.
When he's dressed as a man, I feel free to love him as a man."
4) Cross-Dress for Sexual
Gratification
Most cross dressers reveal
that relieving stress and relaxation were the feelings they most
associated with their crossdressing.
However many revealed that while teenagers there was a high degree of
sexual excitement related to crossdressing
mostly relieved through masturbation.
As hormones calmed down and they reached adulthood the sexual element
declined and the feelings the crossdressing
elicited were very different.
"What you'll find," Dr. Stayton reported, "is that very early on they
associate these clothes with relaxation and stress relief.
They often use it to feel calmer. There is an erotic element to the
cross dressing.
Many will cross dress or fantasize about being CD to enhance sexual
enjoyment, but its not necessary."
5) Crossdressers Always
Wear Women's Clothes
In fact, most may only
dress once a month or once every six months. Many men don't ever even
reach the point of fully
dressing but feel the same relaxed feeling by just wearing women's
undies under their suits.
"You can't imagine how many politicians can't give a speech in Congress
without wearing women's panties," Dr. Stayton commented,
adding he has first hand knowledge since many are his patients.
6) Crossdressers Have
Weird Sexual Habits
No more than most. However
crossdressers did report their sex lives were enhanced by crossdressing
to some degree.
"Dale" recounted that "Although many CDs will deny it, there is a degree
of extra arousal that comes with being cross dressed when
making love but many women are not comfortable with that and we men have
to be sensitive to that and accept it."
7) Crossdressers Look
Like RuPaul
In fact many crossdressers
are most comfortable dressing their " femme " selves as they would dress
their male selves.
Therefore most conventions of cross dressers find a roomful of men in
dressed-for-success women's suits, low heels, tasteful makeup
and coiffed hair...much more Margaret Thatcher than RuPaul.
8) Crossdressing Develops
in Adulthood
"We really find that
crossdressing starts very young," reports Dr. Stayton. "Many remember
that as preschoolers they got a
certain feeling with Mom's clothing. It's very rarely something that
develops in adulthood.
9) Crossdressers Are
Made, Not Born
The current conventional
wisdom seems to be that crossdressing is a result of both Nature and
Nurture.
"I certainly think there's a genetic influence just as for all of us
there are things that happen that program us as to how we'll be sexual,
whether we'll like redheads or thin women. We all have preferences, but
the truth is there's no common thread and we really
don't know why it happens," reports Dr. Stayton.
10) Crossdressers Are
Schizophrenic
In reality cross dressers
exhibit slight personality alterations in their "femme" role, but in
general, their personalities only change
to the extent that many people's do when assuming different roles in
life, i.e. CEO, husband, father.
One wife reports her husband likes to dance as his "femme" self where he
wouldn't feel that free as a man.
Other wives recount how their husbands will shop with them when
otherwise they'd never have the patience.
11) Crossdressing Can Be
Cured
"Truth is you can't change
it," Dr. Stayton concludes. Most professionals now try to counsel the
crossdresser to deal with his
cross dressing rather than eradicate it. "When someone comes to me and
feels it's sick behavior, then to me helping them
to be healthy is to help them accept it and to be able to appropriately
accept their own desire to cross dress."
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